The Unfamiliar Terrain, Sadhguru and I
Why I do what I do
1It’s been a while since my last post. I didn’t think it mattered to anyone, but it did to at least one subscriber, who enquired. Not only was I flattered, but it also provided the necessary nudge to complete the incomplete.
Why did it take so long? Writing this newsletter comes from within, and if the within is clouded, the writing gets convoluted. My buddy suggested having a “clarifying conversation with yourself”. What he did not know is that the conversation was on for a long while. Short phases of clarity were soon overwhelmed by dark shadows of an unconscious mind.
Rewinding time, it was six weeks since we had launched our platform to an overwhelming response. We had got featured in the media and my picture was in the papers 😊! My buddy, thrilled for me, reached out. “Does this recognition feel fulfilling?” My short answer, “no”, then realizing how churlish it sounded, tried to explain the dissonance between intellect and heart.
“If you take your individuality too seriously, conflict is a natural outcome”
Sadhguru
My conscious mind knew what I had to do, so I was confused when I faced conflict within. My ego conjured up anxieties and hidden resentments surfaced. The responsibility that I had volunteered for felt heavy. I saw familiar patterns play out as did my response to similar situations in the past. I had to learn that I was but yet another piece of the tapestry as the community came together. When I understood that “I” didn’t matter and started to shed my prejudices, the easier it became. Miraculously, an amazing group of volunteers came forward to give something of themselves, with love and generosity. Individualities ceased to matter, as the collective mission took over. I learnt to allow, forgive, and express gratitude through patience and compassion.
“Going beyond your limitations is far more important than staying within the limitations of what you like”
Sadhguru
Adjusting to full-time volunteering was not easy. I had become a recluse in the last few years, treasuring my solitude. I prided myself on having healed myself and reach a certain level of equanimity. Life was perfect and I was content. I had planned out my destination and the path that I would take. I should have known better; after all, my life had always been the unexpected.
“When you have utter clarity about where you are at right now, the next level of experience will reveal itself to you”
Sadhguru
Life now pushed me out of my comfortable bubble. No longer was I insulated from the outside world. My autoimmune disorders re-emerged and my regular blood test results demanded attention. I resisted and as I struggled to regain my inner equanimity, I questioned life, “why me, why now?”
In desperation, I reached out to one of my spiritual advisors. “I am doing something that is creating impact and is helping others, why don’t I feel happiness within?”. His answer, “your state of mind has nothing to do with what you do, it has to come from within”.
“Only way out is within”
Sadhguru
I am one of the most fortunate people on this planet and I struggled to understand my conflict and pain. My unconscious nature kept resisting life, allowing only a reluctant response. Irritation, exhaustion and boredom of many years had seeped into myself enchaining me to apathy. To my horror, I found myself slipping back to the days when sleep was a refuge from encountering myself.
The only way out was to shake me from within to shed memories and expectations. I made my peace with human frailties and allowed myself to experience feelings, instead of reprimanding them away into the inner recesses of my body and mind.
“The path is the destination, and the destination is hidden in the path, as the Creator is hidden in the creation”
Sadhguru
As I wrote in a previous post, I don't know why I am doing what I am doing, I knew that what I liked or did not like didn’t matter - it never had. What I did not know then is that life would push me into an unexpected path with twists and turns, choices to be made and discernment to be balanced with devotion.
I don’t know what my life purpose or destination is. By letting the ocean of life flow till it meets the consciousness of the heavens, I hope to find my why. Till then, I choose to stay the course even when the waves are tumultuous. Fueled by faith, knowing that I am always supported and surrendering to Divinity outside and within, maybe that is my destination as well as journey.
This article reproduces quotes from Sadhguru as available from public sources. The content in this article is personal to the author and does not claim any endorsement from Sadhguru or Isha Foundation.