Are you shouted at?

Why does it happen, and what can you do about it?

The funny thing about shouting is

Nobody condones it 

Yet,

Everybody will admit to that One Time

when they shouted at Somebody,

it doesn’t matter who, it could have been Anybody

People shout when they can no longer hear the voice within. Anxiety, irritation, and fears jostle with each other causing friction. In these moments, shouting becomes the only way that people can hear themselves. So no, the "shouter" is not powerful, s/he is just succumbing to a weakness.

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No matter how many times you have been the shouter, it is never pleasant to get shouted at. And there are times when you always seem to be at the receiving end of others’ ire.

Why does it happen?

Examine the situation; identify any triggers at play

Are there certain situations that make you defensive or equally, trigger the other person ? For example, reminding your partner of a pending chore could be enough to bring on a full blown yelling tantrum disproportionate to what you said.

Have you done the homework?

Remember the time when your teacher would pull you up because your homework was not done? Being grown-up doesn’t set you free from homework. Whether it is at home or office, you have to do the work. Separate the message from the shouting and honestly assess if there is any truth to what the other person is saying.

Were you shouted at as a child?

It is not that parents don’t love their children
Quite the opposite, 
it's the love that has now worried itself into anxiety
And lest we forget, 
even the best parents are humans 
There is only so much pain and anger 
that any human can carry.

The best parents shout at their children. Sometimes it is warranted, but often times it is not. If a child is shouted at for the smallest reason and it becomes a repetitive pattern, the child, especially a sensitive one is unable to process the anger. S/he acquiesces in the parents’ anger and that acquiescence becomes the conditioned norm for subsequent authority figures.

S/he assumes that :

• what the Mum / Dad / teacher / spouse / boss says must be right

• s/he must have done something wrong, s/he is to blame, and

• the only way to get back into the parents’ (and subsequent authority figures) good books is to do what they say.

This attitude becomes reinforced with different authority figures and becomes a repetitive pattern carried well into adulthood, till the person is able to release the repressed emotion.

Now let’s see what we can do to stop being yelled at!

• Don’t get into the pattern of being unfairly bullied

Sometimes, people get into the habit of picking on people who cannot push back. Learn to draw your boundaries. Respond calmly and firmly without losing your cool. That will happen only when you are centered within. Breathing exercises and meditation help.

• If you cannot respond, then can you move away?

Resist the temptation to shout back, that may not be your forte and you will just end up getting into more trouble. Move away physically and allow the other person to calm down.

• Don’t yield to the temptation of making assumptions about people, even if they have been nasty to you in the past.

Every interaction with a person is a new one. A preconceived notion will tie you down to the previous interaction and will unconsciously reflect in your behavior. You could be defensive, anxious or resentful. Stay in the moment and respond to the person accordingly.

• Forgive the other person and don’t get stuck in the moment

Humans are subject to internal compulsions, Forgive the other person. This will allow you to move the next moment without the residue of anger, fear and bitterness poisoning you.

Finally, it is not Ok to being shouted at. Shouting back at the shouter is not a solution either. Learn to understand the underlying patterns. Outside and Within. You will naturally know how to respond consciously!

Image Source: freepngimg.com